God•Study

I terribly miss ñors.

This morning we had our class in theology, and it was one looong discussion between our professor and himself. I am not a fan of preachers. At least I'm learning from him, anyway... maybe I just miss the fun we had in Mr. Daep's class back in high school--so much.

"Does it take life to believe?"
That question woke me up. Prof. Ortega shared with us an anecdote about a girl who jumped from the fourth floor of the AB building during one of his class. He told us that one of his students, before the incident answered no when asked if she believed in life after death. He countered with a challenge: "What if God makes his presence felt right now?" Upon knowledge of the incident (the suicide), his students, he told us, rushed downstairs to see the girl for themselves. He went with them, and asked the nonbeliever what the people around have to do with the remains. He suggested that they throw the body into the trash bin or a somewhere else, depriving the girl of a proper burial. The non-believer answered, "Humans are rational beings, and in our psychology class, we were told that 'the body is the temple of the soul." After that, she believed.
That wasn't enough for me. I want to learn. I'd have faith with knowledge. I know almost everyone would raise an eyebrow if I told them that I don't believe in God, but truth is, it really is difficult for me to believe in what prof says because we can't ask. Maybe I need some divine intervention or a miracle, I'll never know. However, I believe in God. I believe in his existence as much as I know that the image of myself smashing this keyboard with angst is not a dream. I want more freedom of expression in our Theo101 class (when Audrey was asked how God became part of history, he laughed with sarcasm. When I was asked what nature God possesses and if I believed that values need hierarchy, he laughed and I hated it. When kuya Dude answered, "Marami," when asked what makes him believe in God, he wasn't given another chance to say a word. When Lesley told him that she maintains a good relationship with God through believing in him without doubts, he gave her a look of discontent.) . I encourage 1ad5 to do something. He'll change us, we can change him, too. Constructively.
His was the most interesting class today, even if I almost never enjoyed a second of the three lecture hours. I've learned a lot from him. He's a bright man, and knows what he wants to say. I would just want to see change in his class. I need more space to speak, more chances to counter what he says if I have an idea. Theology is important to me. I need something to believe in. I need more things that could come in handy when I need them to change the world. I just can't take this for granted.
Mr. Ortega gave us a short lecture about St. Thomas Aquinas during the last hour of our class. I've gained from him a little understanding and a new person to look up to. I loved St. Thomas' question: "What is God?" If only everyone thinks that way. Paraphrasing Super!, "We can't say we found God if we weren't the one who looked for him."

Pride and Pain
I know I have been too proud these days. And I hate this. I hate hesitating to send her a text message, showing some love, telling her that I believe in what she says, and giving forgiveness. Fuxx. Who will understand? Who will see without asking? Who will be there? Show up. Get in touch. Audrey, would you be that? Pat? Riel, Van, Evan, Kuya Dude? Nika? Anyone? I need no affection. I need no ears. I need no sympathy.

No, I don't.

I need help. Don't ask. Just be there. 'nuff.

"Fides quaerens Intellectum"

One of the greatest words I heard this day.

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Van, Audrey, Pat. Thank you for this day's greatest lessons. I'll see you in my sleep. Goodnight.

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everyday he searches, everyday he finds.