one sad song.

---

hindi ako babae o bakla, ok?
gusto ko lang 'tong vid. as in gustong-gusto.
panoorin mu, ayos 2.

i wish that she was like the character the singer is trying to portray [not to be confused with the main character in the vid].

i wish she knew that what I wanted and wanted to give was love. my life. my tomorrows... and all that I have become. however, almost everything that happened was because of my weaknesses. all the things that I lacked. I can't blame her. I still can understand. I always will.

as tears flood my eyes while typing these words, all I want is to put all things, and ourselves into the right places. i want to see a genuine smile when I look at the mirror again.

today, as I go on with my life, getting rid of the pain becomes easier. I take advantage of the distance between us... but every moment is another struggle to pull back from keeping in touch again... pull back from falling in love with her again.

friends, I know that I am different. I am not like everyone... but I will be. I'm trying hard to be. this part of me, however, will never change. i want to give you my gratitude for the acceptance... for understanding. I will still love the way I know it should be, and very soon i will find someone who will love me the way i need to be loved.

i am no longer emo.

thanks to everyone. i am happy. someday soon, completely, i will be. very soon.

to the person who's making me smile at this very moment, i owe everything to you. i know that in one way or another, i will love you forever. let's just watch the things unravel. let them all unfold. just let me love you for the moment. let me love you this time.

---

thanks to my volleyball coach for today's greatest lesson. I swear that i'll try my best to be punctual all the time. and that i will listen to my body when it says it can't do what i want to do anymore. it's time to rest. good night world.

---

everyday he searches, everyday he finds.