Irony.
I want to grow with her, but the irony is that I can't because I haven't grown up enough to be worthy of that chance.
Loneliness haunts me. (literally) I want to stop dreaming of the next time that I'll be alone, which in layman's term means that I can actually speak to myself or at least, think. Let me tell you this: I really want to fall in love again. It's just that I'm too insecure about my immaturity in comparison with the people I meet in school. In a sudden I felt so out of place, but happy about it because they are more learned in contrast to who I currently am, which means that I learn from them. A lot. Problems, problems. So what exactly confuses me right now? More than just one thing.
Am I wasting time?
Am I throwing chances?
Should I move?
Should I listen to what I feel this early?
Will they still be there?
Will she go away?
Is it really too early?
Are things going too fast?
Am I keeping up with their pace?
Have I really been left behind?
Conclusions can turn to regrets soon. They have to be flexible. As for now, these are the things that I want to do:
Get her out of my mind.
Know my blockmates better.
Know her better.
Set a reasonable deadline for myself to conclude.
Wait.
I know I have to do something. The irony is that I don't really know what I have to do.
Call this a nightmare. An NDE.
The dreamer needs help. He needs you.
Xtian, thnx for the great company. "Pogi," get well soon. Mr. Cruz, my volleyball mentor, thnx for this day's greatest lessons. Special thnx to the hobos on the streets. 'Ma, i'm sorry for having to go home not on time. 1-5, tot•toy, and everyone else, I terribly miss you.
everyday he searches, everyday he finds.