Change. first part.

It's been more than two weeks since my last decent post.

Why the lag? I was too tired. I've been too tired lately, so tired that I could only do the most non-sense of the things that I do: my plates, reading, street art. It's all cliché, nothing more.

I wanted to be someone over those two weeks. Who that someone is, I never found out. I just wanted change.

7-11
Honestly, I've been so dependent [i depend on her presence to at least make my mood right, if not brightened up] to Odri before those two weeks of blog hibernation. I posted "Tell me you're dreaming with me," because I really wanted to take a pause from blogging, to take time to see each friggin' detail in the things that pass before my eyes in the three days that she'll be gone for CFAD's Leadership Training Seminar. 7-11 was the beginning.
After three long (read: loooooooooooong) days, they're back. I was like, "woah. ANG SAYA KOOOOO!" when I saw her passing through the back door of our classroom. That wasn't to make fun of her or anything, it was the way I really felt. until a few minutes later. I was such a freak. I felt weird, like I was torpe or something like that, pare.

there's a gap between the two of us.

No one said it's gonna be difficult.
Saturdays are the best days of the week. The past two Saturdays, however, were like, "ouch." There's this voice inside of me that always says, "go, tell her everything," and another one that answers, "Woah. It can't be too easy."

The first Saturday was fine. The next was disaster. My body was breaking down. I felt so ill I had to go home after the second of our three classes that day. I told you, I was dependent to her. I needed her. Her arms around me. Her words that always translated to "Everything's okay." Her presence. I was just that... I couldn't feel her.

Talk about difficult.
Van wasn't around during those times. I'd always say, "Si Van naman oh.. Pipili na lang ng araw na magkaka-sore eyes siya, 'yun pang panahong kelangan ko siya."

It's hard to be all alone in times that you don't choose to be. Painful.

Another Giezelle Issue [edit]
It sucks when you are hurt and words are hurled at you. It hurts when your face is thrown at with words from someone you used to love, as i f everything you did for that person was one big joke. Fupp it. For another time, I'd tell you. I loved you, okay? My chest feels like bursting when I think of it. You are not the girl that i loved. It sucks when you realize that you can't fulfill your promises. You would say things, assuming that things will stay the way they are forever...assuming that everything that's going on is real.


This time I won't be a fool.