"Mahaba man ang araw, uuwi ka sa yakap ko.."

"Wag ka nang umiyak" by Sugarfree-LSS for two straight days [along with Paramore's "Franklin," actually]. It's such a wonder where Ebe Dancel gets all these words. Divine intervention, perhaps.


Anyway.
What made me listen to this song was probably, well, Divine intervention. It's one thing brought out the other purpose of my tear glands (one is making granules when I'm asleep), pouring emotions out. Yes, I cried [very ironical to the song's message]. *applause*.


Cheesy, but yes, I actually did cry. I was able to. And I'm rather grateful for being able to cry at random times of day since yesterday. Of course, those chances aren't like those instances before when, at day's end I cry for hours ["Like a wee baby"]. I really am thankful for these tiny snippets of time that I actually shed a few drops of tears, thus being freed from this burden that I feel inside. It's not that I'm going totally emo this past few days, it's just that, we humans need to loosen ourselves up sometimes. The arts, some good music and the 30-minute walks everyday help me, but nothing can be compared to actually crying [Like a baby].

Kindergarten




I am missing someone's embrace right now. Thanks to my blockmates, however, for giving me (or letting me give them) tons of hugs everyday! Weeeeeeeee!!! I love you siblings!ü

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I still have got lots of things to say right now, but I'm trying to change.. I want to get rid of so much emo-ness.ü

thanks to audrey for some of her time, and still, for making me smile at random times everyday, to inang for appreciating the song that I gave her and Ate Leslie, to Chellie, Giezelle, Dude, Riel, Cathy and Nika (wee!!) for being there for me last Saturday when I felt so down.. Much Love!ü

One thing more, I'm adding a lot of links here, just click on them, please?ü

everyday he searches, everyday he finds.♥

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next post: "Chaos."

Prelim Plate sa MDR: for my blockmates.

Nandito po 'yung prelim plate natin. goodluck blockmates!

Change. the missing part.

I'm so sorry, everyone.

Change. first part.

It's been more than two weeks since my last decent post.

Why the lag? I was too tired. I've been too tired lately, so tired that I could only do the most non-sense of the things that I do: my plates, reading, street art. It's all cliché, nothing more.

I wanted to be someone over those two weeks. Who that someone is, I never found out. I just wanted change.

7-11
Honestly, I've been so dependent [i depend on her presence to at least make my mood right, if not brightened up] to Odri before those two weeks of blog hibernation. I posted "Tell me you're dreaming with me," because I really wanted to take a pause from blogging, to take time to see each friggin' detail in the things that pass before my eyes in the three days that she'll be gone for CFAD's Leadership Training Seminar. 7-11 was the beginning.
After three long (read: loooooooooooong) days, they're back. I was like, "woah. ANG SAYA KOOOOO!" when I saw her passing through the back door of our classroom. That wasn't to make fun of her or anything, it was the way I really felt. until a few minutes later. I was such a freak. I felt weird, like I was torpe or something like that, pare.

there's a gap between the two of us.

No one said it's gonna be difficult.
Saturdays are the best days of the week. The past two Saturdays, however, were like, "ouch." There's this voice inside of me that always says, "go, tell her everything," and another one that answers, "Woah. It can't be too easy."

The first Saturday was fine. The next was disaster. My body was breaking down. I felt so ill I had to go home after the second of our three classes that day. I told you, I was dependent to her. I needed her. Her arms around me. Her words that always translated to "Everything's okay." Her presence. I was just that... I couldn't feel her.

Talk about difficult.
Van wasn't around during those times. I'd always say, "Si Van naman oh.. Pipili na lang ng araw na magkaka-sore eyes siya, 'yun pang panahong kelangan ko siya."

It's hard to be all alone in times that you don't choose to be. Painful.

Another Giezelle Issue [edit]
It sucks when you are hurt and words are hurled at you. It hurts when your face is thrown at with words from someone you used to love, as i f everything you did for that person was one big joke. Fupp it. For another time, I'd tell you. I loved you, okay? My chest feels like bursting when I think of it. You are not the girl that i loved. It sucks when you realize that you can't fulfill your promises. You would say things, assuming that things will stay the way they are forever...assuming that everything that's going on is real.


This time I won't be a fool.

next to the prelude

Tell me you're dreaming with me

...and I'll sleep here again.

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thanks to kuya for today's greatest lessons... to Patty Pat Pat for singing, "That's what I like about you.ü" That should get me going.ü Moonyt, Baka.^oo^

I'm in love with the southern lights.

The title is no metaphor. Check out the list of things to fall in love with here.ü audrey! dadalhin kita sa south pole! magmomoment tayo dun!haha.ü kuya, pupunta tayo dito. tsaka hahanapin natin 'tong sampung tsiks na 'to! punta kayo sa link! bilis!ü

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everyday he searches, everyday he finds.ü

one sad song.

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hindi ako babae o bakla, ok?
gusto ko lang 'tong vid. as in gustong-gusto.
panoorin mu, ayos 2.

i wish that she was like the character the singer is trying to portray [not to be confused with the main character in the vid].

i wish she knew that what I wanted and wanted to give was love. my life. my tomorrows... and all that I have become. however, almost everything that happened was because of my weaknesses. all the things that I lacked. I can't blame her. I still can understand. I always will.

as tears flood my eyes while typing these words, all I want is to put all things, and ourselves into the right places. i want to see a genuine smile when I look at the mirror again.

today, as I go on with my life, getting rid of the pain becomes easier. I take advantage of the distance between us... but every moment is another struggle to pull back from keeping in touch again... pull back from falling in love with her again.

friends, I know that I am different. I am not like everyone... but I will be. I'm trying hard to be. this part of me, however, will never change. i want to give you my gratitude for the acceptance... for understanding. I will still love the way I know it should be, and very soon i will find someone who will love me the way i need to be loved.

i am no longer emo.

thanks to everyone. i am happy. someday soon, completely, i will be. very soon.

to the person who's making me smile at this very moment, i owe everything to you. i know that in one way or another, i will love you forever. let's just watch the things unravel. let them all unfold. just let me love you for the moment. let me love you this time.

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thanks to my volleyball coach for today's greatest lesson. I swear that i'll try my best to be punctual all the time. and that i will listen to my body when it says it can't do what i want to do anymore. it's time to rest. good night world.

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everyday he searches, everyday he finds.